Where do i fit in...

I wonder if other athletes fall into this sort of vague existance.

You set a goal, meet the goal, then pick up the pieces of the broken body, because you put it all out there.

I can in 5th overall womens in an endurance race in august.
Then it was over. 
It seems to be taking weeks to recover.

Now CX season is here. My body hurts everywhere, from my neck and shoulders to my left heal.  I had a goal, then my goal was to recover.  But am i really ready for cx season?

I have dreaded it since my race was over.   My energy towards racing cx has just tanked.  I felt that way about all cycling last year, when I went through so much personally. Those of you who know me, know what it was. Nothing bad, just a lot going on. 

But now, that has settled down, and it's just me, my main squeeze, the cats and bikes..oh and my crazy job (Which i love).

I went to my first CX race in about 2 years. i sucked. I sucked big time. 
0 energy. In fact, i was actually having anxiety attacks before i left the house.
Then, right before my race, my bf wipes out badly. 

Thankfully,  i was right there with a few other racers when it happened, and we were able to pull him off the course before anyone slammed into him.  I can't tell you how hard it was to leave him in a pile to go to my race. He insisted, as did the other ladies, so reluctantly, I left him. But my mind was not focused, and as soon as they told us to go, all my insecurities and nerves hit hard.  I was left in the dust.

Then i got behind slower riders and just couldn't pick good lines, and i fell further and further behind.  Then i fell on an offcamber turn that hadn't really given me much trouble. I couldn't unclip as i lay in the dirt.  When i finally got up, my chain was dropped.  I fixed it, hopped back on and took off.

I tried to focus, but it was pretty hot. After one lap, i was already thirsty.  I don't take water with me, bec it's hard to find time to actually drink, and it's usually covered in dirt.  CX is a dirty race, although this course was actually fun.

So, how to i regain my love of cx?  I've no threshold, not that i ever really did.  My training has been endurance first, speed second, and it takes me a good hour to warm up. I'm basically warmed up AFTER the race!

I managed to pick off a few girls, but my bike handling, esp cornering, was tragically slow...even a heckler kindly reminded me of that.  

I didn't race sunday. I was sore, tired, and sickly from the sunburn and heat from the day before, and my spirits pretty low.  

I guess the big question is...can i somehow get up to speed in time? Will there actually be races i enjoy?  Can i race and not feel like a mach truck hit me in the back?

It took me a year to get my love of road cycling back into a the love mode.

All good questions i throw out into the universe...
my watch tells me it's time to walk. 

Clear Skies