Struggle

I am struggeling.

I struggle with sleep, or lack of, or lack of good sleep.
I wake up almost every morning, more exhausted than when i went to bed, if that's possible.  
My ambitious energy is lacking. 


By 2:00pm, I yawn at my desk, desperate for a nap.

I come home from work, and the couch usually wins the argument, after a slice of cheese to calm my angry stomach.

Sometimes, I can be prompted to mow the lawn, although i'll talk my way out of it to my other mind if I can.  If left to my own devices, I'll throw on shorts and lay down. I'll be asleep within 10 minutes and wake up before it's time to go to bed.

If i struggle to stay awake, I will eat to have energy than keep eating because i'm in a downward spiral.  

If i pending chorse, ie. the trash must go out, I'll handle that, put on my sleepy shorts and find a soft cushion. 

I have lost my energy.  I am not sad, I am not depressed.  I'm just tired.

If i do sleep all evening, I'll wake up to shut down the house, and remain awake, despite my efforts, until around midnight.  Then struggle to wake up when the alarm goes off.

I didn't used to be like this. I used to have energy. I would stage my bike to be ready when I got home and be out of the house within 30 minutes.

The guilt soon arrives a short time later.  It can either arrive after my nap, or the next morning when my clothes are too tight. The worst is when i do manage to workout on the weekend, and my performance is weak or slow.  

The final worst, is when i don't feel guilty at all.  

My next appt at the sleep clinic is monday.  I've tried other solutions, but none don't seem to fix my astounding lack of indifference to life.  

Clear Skies.